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Leslie Kenton's Love affairPublished on the 17th Febuary 2010
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EXTRACT FROM LOVE AFFAIR

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Friday May 30th, 1947 – Memorial Day Weekend. We woke at dawn and drove from Hollyridge to Balboa for a few day’s vacation on the beach – Violet, Stanley, Mom, me, and Tuffy, since I refused to leave him behind. Three hours down the road, we passed a sign, “Boats for Sale.” “Boats. Hey, let’s buy a boat,” Stanley says, turning the car around.

WHAT HAS HAPPENED

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That summer marked the start of a different life for me – one in which I was forced to hold the secrets so tightly that they separated me from myself. Somewhere deep inside, the part of me which carried memory and pain went silent as death. Like an autistic child, it had divided itself off so completely from the rest of me that I didn’t even know it was there.

HOW I CAME TO WRITE LOVE AFFAIR

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I spent an afternoon with my friend Gail Rebuck. It was a Bank Holiday in London – a lovely lazy day. Light poured through the huge first floor windows of her Regents Park home. Twenty-five years ago, Gail was my first editor at Century. Now she is Chairman of Random House in the UK. That day, she uttered seven fateful words: “Leslie, you need to write a memoir.”

THE SUMMER OF 1954

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As I look back on the summer of 1954 and all that came after, I am drawn once more to the image of a double helix. I see two souls – Stanley’s and mine – wound together in a vortex of energy. One strand of the helix – the dark one – is forged from lies, denial, rage and grief. The other is luminous – shaped from shared joys, excitement, wonder and a childlike loyalty.

MY EARLY MEMORIES OF MY FATHER

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My early memories of my father, whom I always called Stanley, are a conflicting mixture of images and events. He was big in every way. He had hands twice the size of anyone else’s. Reach an octave on the piano? That was nothing. He could manage a 10th with ease. Sometimes he was shy

THERE IS SOMETHING STRANGE ABOUT YOU

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My father once said to me: ‘There is something strange about you. It’s like you’re an unbounded being. You always make me feel that I exist more inside you than I do in my own body.’ When intrinsic biological and emotional bonds between you have been strong and there are so many values you share in common...

A LETTER TO LESLIE

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Stanley had begun to write again – wonderful music – music that was exciting, mysterious, lyrical. I'd go into the music room while he was working and sit on the floor to listen. He never let anybody but me in there. Sometimes he would come looking for me when he was about to start. ‘Shortstuff,’ he'd say, ‘I'm going to do some work. You wanna come?’

THE GRACE I RECIEVED

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The grace I received from the Universe which I believe saved my life, always came in strange shapes and sizes – from doctors who gave me loving care, even though I had no means of paying them, to people clear-sighted and open-hearted enough to encounter the bold exterior of me and the confused, trembling creature hiding beneath and to bless them equally.